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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in xoh_wellimagine's LiveJournal:

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    Tuesday, March 7th, 2006
    Tuesday
    March 7th, 2006; 1:38pm
    Another update:

    i miss:
    my best friend
    allison
    indy
    heather
    vipes
    and others

    life has been okay lately not much happening.
    i procrasinate so much i dispoint myself.
    it's weird how much someone's music can change the way you feel.

    t-minus 6 days till i see teddy
    cherelle is going i am nervous/jealous she might win the friends&boy over.

    but beside that for once life is just...normal.
    everything will be okay.

    sleep patterns have changed
    2am= good times
    4 hours sleep= bad times

    mix cds from people are so IN

    these lyrics are the only thing that make my stomach drop and my heart beat faster lately:


    "I need a break it's all the same
    Under the sweet December rain
    Just a crack of yellow light
    To shine on my head
    You'll find that I fought for the right
    To laugh with my eyes till tears would fall
    And the salt would hit my lips
    With some love to help me survive"- Look Where We Are Now



    The night air breathes
    But not so easy as before
    Did you notice
    Did you take the time to listen
    To my breath or to my words
    When I spoke I explained my feelings
    And my reasons for the way I love you
    I'm getting to the point
    And I feel like I do
    Even more now that I'm leaving
    Well, I feel just like I do when I'm with you- Night Air


    written by the most amazing guy )
    read 3 & comment
    Tuesday
    March 7th, 2006; 10:19am
    teddy geiger owns my heart
    go listen to him
    he'll make you swoon

    listen to- look where we are now

    i miss my best friend alot
    read 2 & comment
    Wednesday, March 1st, 2006
    Wednesday
    March 1st, 2006; 5:55pm
    homewreaker
    2 years ago you were the best thing
    now you're just one of those kids who pretend everything
    go- find your way home
    you put this upon yourself don't blame anyone else
    make sure ou find yourself
    i thought i knew you
    it was all lies

    but who am i to judge-
    only you know the truth

    you changed my life.
    read 0 & comment
    Monday, February 27th, 2006
    Monday
    February 27th, 2006; 10:01am
    Who Knew?
    the last 2-3 i've changed so much with so many different events
    - losing people i care so much about
    - meet new and amazing people
    - learning new things i thought i would never know about myself
    - that one boy who changed my life and i didn't even notice till now
    - change of location
    - missing friends
    - not knowing anything at the moment
    - i have a life i just never lived it
    - they're gone
    - messages through the speaker


    i miss some people i've met over the last 3 years who i haven't seen in a while

    INDY
    Shel
    Michelle Ponce
    Geoff
    Madonna


    if you find these people please send them to me asap

    "don't panic we are hanging here"

    Current Mood: blank
    Current Music: into the airwaves- jack's mannequin
    read 2 & comment
    Thursday, February 23rd, 2006
    Thursday
    February 23rd, 2006; 4:58am
    Anthony Dilonno, PJ Dilinco, Nash Breen, and Ben Jorgensen are the most or one of the most amazing group of kids ever if you don’t know them you all should go listen to Armor For Sleep. They are amazing as a band and even more as people.

    So Sunday was Armor For Sleep here’s some of my highlights and what not from the show:

    - Walking to Slims and seeing blood all over the street freaking out like crazy as Ben walked passed by me looking as if I had rabies or something.
    - Ben and PJ walking by then smiling at Ben who looked like he was going to beat the shit of me till I gave him his presents. (GIANT strawberry pocky, and the vinyl paintings).
    - Ben trying to be all nice again after his bad ass mean look saying “oh hey sweetie how are you?” and lots of hugs and talks
    - Ben smiling and laughing about his vinyl saying Brain Depressor on it
    - PJ being super excited about his vinyl thing. And asking me to make Lauren a matching one.
    - Chiodos boys on their sidekicks while Lorena was trying to take a picture of them then me yelling at them about how Jordan got rear ended while on his sidekick so they should stop.
    - New geek crushes on : Matt & Craig from Chiodos
    - Being a big fat creep to Ryan Giblin.
    - Anthony opening the present looking like a 5 year old
    - Giving Anthony his paintball gun and Mr. Megaphone and him saying “Won’t this hurt someone?” and then me saying “Since when do you care?”
    - Talking with Anthony about how he gets sinus infections whenever he is in Arizona. Then comes to California and how he is in pain
    - Nash’s vinyl making no sense at all.
    - Action Reaction- I liked them no one else seemed to…
    - Chiodos- this is when I started to die
    - Boys Night Out – made it through was an amazing set
    - Armor For Sleep- Always amazes me. but I died
    - Passed out during Armor For Sleep set during a song being carried off and waking up outside of slims
    - Met a dude in one of the bands who is on crew wrote his number on my arm incase he needed a tour guide around San Francisco.
    - Watching the rest of the set backstage.
    - Trying to look for the dude but no one seems to know who I was talking about which equaled to people thinking I am crazy
    - Talking with Anthony- “was that you who liked died?!”
    - Long talks with PJ which included: lurking, spyspace, hotels, me not having a car, vinyl, and flowers
    - My vinyl painting being hung on the bus 
    - Figuring out Ben knows how to share
    - Anthony worrying about me.
    - Tragedy Justin
    - Talks about how I would get shot by a blunt in Oakland/Berkeley area with Justin and why I should do that
    - Promoting Tragedy Andy by telling girls Justin will do anything.
    - Making a lot friends with co-workers at Slims (Johnny, Dan, that girl who kept asking if I was alright)
    - Craig from Chiodos not remembering his mom’s name but can remember other members in the bands mom’s name.
    - Making plans with PJ about how I should take him and Lauren out for Warped This or Next year (I’ll learn how to drive by then so PJ won’t say “you are no use to me”)
    - Strawberry Pocky share time and Japanese Treats
    - Anthony worrying about me ( I felt special)
    - Getting an insane amount of water from bands, and workers at slims
    - Mystery Guy Calling the next day to ask and talk about stuff and to see if I was okay
    - The co workers at Slims are AMAZING I love them
    - Hang outs with the bands next day (left over ones) for a little bit


    Bad things:

    - Not enough hang outs with the best friend
    - Ribs are purple
    - Passing out for the first time.
    - Not finding the mystery guy (his name is Greg or Gary I forgot which one he said)
    - In pain and sore.
    - Not seeing Michelle enough
    - Didn’t get enough pictures
    - Passing out
    - Can’t see them till Warped Tour again 
    read 2 & comment
    Monday, February 20th, 2006
    Monday
    February 20th, 2006; 8:48am
    armor for sleep show
    i passed out for the first time
    which was weird

    updatez later
    read 0 & comment
    Thursday, February 16th, 2006
    Thursday
    February 16th, 2006; 2:17pm
    i love bridget
    ME: and at this rate i can't go to afs
    BRIDGET: Nooooo
    ME: i know
    BRIDGET: U have to Bno is soooooo goooooood
    ME: i have to give anthony..
    BRIDGET: Sex?
    ME: his nerf gun and supersoaker
    ME: that made me laugh


    i love her afs sluts for life and asian buddies
    read 0 & comment
    Thursday
    February 16th, 2006; 9:48am
    take care of your breast cause we love them
    i miss old fall out boy alot and yesterday it seem like they were themselves it was amazing. but i am so proud its like a baby's first steps you can't hold them back
    i hate the fact at school kids think i know everyone
    i explain i know some only cause they think of my head as candy
    but they don't understand

    my worts hurt so much i cried/bitched/and you name it i did i could feel it bubbling
    how wrong is that but it's trueeee. its horrible acid sucks

    i wish i had more tour friends so they could vist me once in a while and i can feel cool and have an amazing time for one night once and a while.
    i love tour friends
    warped = tons and tons
    i think i'm going to work warped next year it'll suck though cause i just sit there and try to look cute and sell shit and be an asshole to goeff oh wait that was 2 years ago
    i love meeting new people when going to shows or on tour- instant friends

    reminising is alot of fun but it also hurts if you think about it
    i live in the past
    i love my friends (both tour and real and interweb homies) they are always there for me to smile and laugh

    bets- bamboozle next year? it'll be off the hizzle fo rizzle
    i love my best friend more than life

    i never do real updates on this thing

    oh valentines day was sooo awesome LAST year
    it kicked ass i had like 3 valentines and one free poster
    and some drugs i mean hichew

    ben jorgenmonface is so asian sometimes it makes me laugh
    and
    i love bridget (new best asian non asian friend)

    i got started again on art its weird but who knows where it will take me
    i think i ethier want to got into bizznizzle and fashion design or
    something like that

    goals:
    -meet more people on the road
    -roadtrips
    -see my best friend more
    -stop bitching and complaing
    -stop lurking
    -get over the fact fall out boy is huge and they are now friends with gangstas
    -travel
    -rule the world one piece of asian candy at a time

    lurk your heart out its a way of life now like gold diggers- scouts honor

    ps mad crush on - hellogoodbye's forrest

    Current Music: the last song- all american rejects
    read 0 & comment
    Wednesday, February 15th, 2006
    Wednesday
    February 15th, 2006; 2:37pm
    *edit*
    i fixed it
    my html brain kicked in never mind

    someone fix the huge space gap on my lj
    it was suppose to be a picture of justin pierre but
    i erased it.

    in other news:
    i got my worts removed today.
    but the thing is the doctor said i can't do any activies all weekend so
    i may or may not be able to go to
    this stinks

    ps
    i got a nerf gun
    and a super soaker for the boyfriend
    read 0 & comment
    Tuesday, February 14th, 2006
    Tuesday
    February 14th, 2006; 9:26am
    another stalker
    i feel so bad i like him but not that way he is so sweet but kinda creepy
    i don't know what to do
    any advice
    i miss everyone
    happy valentines day

    cupid's chokehold- i'm not much of a girlfriend
    read 1 & comment
    Friday, February 10th, 2006
    Friday
    February 10th, 2006; 2:23pm
    i miss the world and everything beautiful
    so basicially one big rollercoaster. that's what life is it's amazing how it works.

    i miss:
    my best friend betsey- i haven't seen her in two months & i miss her dearly i don't see her enough
    allison- she needs to come back to cali or i come to chi-town. i never seem to talk to her lately i feel bad
    going to shows and just hanging out.

    so basically i was picking my classes for next year and it's making me so paranoid i am one of the only ones not taking AP classes i'm taking one honors class and it doesn't seem like enough but the workload would be too much and they expect you to know the work

    you may or may not get college credits.

    i'm so torn between this now i worry about my future
    scares meee

    and plus i made a new friend.
    bridget- she is amazing i love her. she is my non-asian buddy who i have been looking for all my life.
    she basically is amazing. and i love her. she is mexican and awesome. i know we'll be such good buddies i can't wait till we hang it'll be crazy x 48230923489023489023489
    read 1 & comment
    Friday, January 27th, 2006
    Friday
    January 27th, 2006; 2:31pm
    just get to me
    it's been quite a experience this first month of 2006
    time is going by so quickly it scares me.
    last entry was to someone but not to my loves ♥
    i got so much shit to do and send i procrasinate up the butt.

    okay i promise to :
    be a better person this 2006
    be nicer
    cut back on swearing
    and all this fun stuff

    in other news:
    -schools been ALOT better i've been doing all my work and
    things..be proud its been quite hard to get back on track.
    -some of my friends disapoint me alot. not because they're n ot there but they do
    things to hurt themsleves
    - i have lots of crushes (real and just geek ones more of geek and one real one) and the one i like and go to school with
    gets away with things he shouldn't stupid accent and smile. (my english teacher explained to the class how he never gets in trouble for it.)
    -i miss my non cali living friends more than anything right now.
    - getting a sidekick in 2 months


    my in's and outs

    IN:
    JEWS/JOOS
    The Junior Varsity
    Indie Music
    Overcoming things
    realization
    lines from songs to reflect your mood
    bright eyes & dark hair
    smiles
    free stuff
    the hush sound
    being awesome

    OUT:
    EMO
    your scenester haircut with 2 colors that don't go together
    lip rings
    whoring (myspace and real liffe)
    faking it
    giving up

    *EDIT*
    also in:
    missing your best friend
    dan and dave keyes (this so for sureee)
    allison
    gilmore girls
    l♥ve
    my best friend
    laughing
    anthony dilonno
    hellogoodbye
    love letters
    read 6 & comment
    Monday, January 23rd, 2006
    Monday
    January 23rd, 2006; 8:02am
    no ones there for me anymore
    ethier i get
    pushed away
    ignored
    or some shit like that
    honestly none of you care
    don't say you do
    read 4 & comment
    Tuesday, January 17th, 2006
    Tuesday
    January 17th, 2006; 3:40pm
    future freaks me out
    so this representative from brooks came and she was explaining on we should do what we love and have that passion and knowelege for what we want to do for the furture
    and i thought to myself.
    i don't even know what to do or what i am good at...i don't have a REAL talent
    and i was thinking i have 1 year maybe 2 to figure out what college and what i want to major in
    i never thought about this till now
    it scares me so much
    people say you have plenty of time
    but i don't
    i don't know what i am good at let alone do anything well
    i wish i could start all over.
    and i wish my life was 47398724398 better

    but that could never happen
    i forgot how it felt to know who you are.
    i want out at the moment
    i want out of school.
    i want to know who i am again

    "but my favorite color is shame"

    Current Music: Theatre- Gatsby's American Dream
    read 2 & comment
    Thursday, January 12th, 2006
    Thursday
    January 12th, 2006; 10:16am
    ben is jesus
    not in that way
    it's cause he is a diva but you know i love him.

    and anthony doesn't remember which is hilarious he remembers bits and pieces of that night when he made me give him a piggyback ride and hang out with him with a walk around sf

    pj makes fun of me tons
    and thinks i am mean
    so he says when he left that comment to his gf lauren about me

    and nash
    is like my mike
    the unknown one

    afs makes me sosososoososoosos happy


    so does my best friend
    she is my pete wentz with a big head

    i sound like a teenie but i am not
    it's the fact that i have weird adventures with people
    like hobos attacking bets, pete, patrick, and me at the fob show

    i tend to always fight or get hit or hurt by the bands at shows
    or yelled at or molested.

    is it cause i am asian and tiny
    and provide drugs&candy
    read 5 & comment
    Wednesday, January 11th, 2006
    Wednesday
    January 11th, 2006; 2:37pm
    "I’ve never fought so much with my parents ever since I’ve came here. I’ve been told it’s my entire fault. But what did I do last year? I had a B average was basically on top of the world back then. They took everything away from me and for what to become like every kid here worry about what Ivy League or UC they have to get into or getting that B on there test. They took everything away my whole life all my memories, friends, my life. Just so they can come here and brag to other Asians about how there kids are just like theirs. And for that I will never forgive them. As horrible as I may sound it’s true my parents they think they can just come into my life after not being in it. By quitting there jobs and thinking being at home 24/7 is the most selfless thing they did. They always use it against me. Everything is always turned against me. I don’t love my parents honest to god I don’t love them like a child should but I love them in another way.

    This is a battle I am not going to win.
    I am so unhappy it hurts.
    All I want is:
    To be me again, find myself
    My life back
    Have a relationship with someone who can make me happy
    My friends

    I’m afraid what’s going to happen to me if I am here any longer. I’m afraid of who I have become. I’m scared about everything. I wish I was me again. I wish I was whole again. I don’t know what I did to deserve this.

    But I love you all so much I’d give my life away to save yours any day in a heartbeat no questions asked.


    Starting new memories will be fun. But so far the ones here aren’t too great. I wish I could start off fresh again.

    Hopefully everything will fall into place. I feel like I’m a dead end. I can only fake so much and force so many smiles and laughs. All the choices I make now seem bad and pointless.

    I’ve finally done it.
    I’ve given up for good

    Love
    Laugh
    Life
    Music
    Friends
    Imagination
    "- Myspace Blog


    i wrote that...couple of weeks ago before x-mas and i realized this,
    i am retarded
    i failed 3 classes
    i cried during my final
    i suck
    i give up
    for good
    no more trying my best i end up failing
    run away with me?
    cause i can't do this any long


    armor for sleep has been my music for this past week
    read 1 & comment
    Tuesday, January 10th, 2006
    Tuesday
    January 10th, 2006; 2:16pm
    finals week

    3 finals down
    3 more to go

    finished finals:

    Math- i think i did well i am failing the class but i think i did well now to finish my make up work
    PE- jeez work outs and written test...i say i get a B in that class
    Japanese- could the test be any harder i almost cried no joke.

    Finals to do

    English/History- Interview counts for both classes i am also failing these class must do make up work as well.
    TV/Media- i will do good.



    i am failing 3 classes
    i got exactly 3 days to make it up.

    wish me luck
    or i won't have an arm
    or face


    what happened to me
    honestly i used to be a good students
    it's too hard here
    i'm fuckeddddddd
    read 1 & comment
    Thursday, January 5th, 2006
    Thursday
    January 5th, 2006; 2:59pm
    ATTN: rich people
    what happened to those days
    i had money
    and a job
    and did nothing at work
    and got paid
    now i am just a lazy ass who is broke
    i need somethings now like supplies to start art again
    which i know my parents won't supply and a jacket
    seriously
    im gonna try and start over again
    but i need money to start with some shit
    nothing is free
    wow i sound so
    stupidandlikeafuckingpansy


    who wants to buy me shit or give me money

    you'll be rewarded with cookies
    or
    fiind me a job
    read 4 & comment
    Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006
    Tuesday
    January 3rd, 2006; 9:31am
    tell me all you hear is our song...i don't care about the damage done
    HAPPY NEW YEARS!

    hope your year was amazing...you all deserve the best and nothing less

    2005 was the year of realization and emotion for me.

    alot has happened for the good and bad.


    HIGHLIGHTS

    - meeting amazing people like Danielle (VIPES), Allison, Cherelle, Esha-bomb, and others
    - knowing how to express my emotions to people i could've never trusted
    - dealing with change
    - losing someone and becoming stonger
    - realizing memories should be cherished.
    - TONS of geek crushes
    - meeting the nice boy with the accent


    i miss everyone
    whenever i'm in your side of the world
    or you're in mine
    let's hang
    i love everyone.
    read 2 & comment
    Monday, December 26th, 2005
    Monday
    December 26th, 2005; 11:50am
    it's werid being away from home this time of year.

    the end.

    mad crush on boy at school

    scares me
    read 1 & comment
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